I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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