went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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