All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
