I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
