she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize