At least make sure they are 18
Why
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
