Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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