its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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