he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
