Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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