I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had sex on a roof
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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