I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
