please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
