At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
