True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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