And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
