You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
