Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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