if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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