Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.