i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I want is dick and wine.