My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
