I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.