Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.