Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
