Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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