just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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