Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
