This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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