something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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