I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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