there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
