dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
