Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm really busy with my period
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