the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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