he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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