I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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