best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
