well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
