They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
