After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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