the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
