Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
