even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
