Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Bring me that man meat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
