Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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