Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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