omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
