I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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