Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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