If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
