Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
