Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
