I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
