16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
