I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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