4 words: hood of his car
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
