it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
