Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
