I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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