i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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