I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
