i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
