I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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