Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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