I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
