Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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