I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
