So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
