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she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
