Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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