my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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