don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
