I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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