oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
