The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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