Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why do cheetos always look like penises
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
