girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
