Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
