Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
