it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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